**it happens … suffering is optional

Don’t waste time or energy on things that are outside your control

There’s a Buddhist saying: “pain is inevitable, suffering is optional”. This phrase is explored in the Buddha’s teaching of the two arrows. Buddha compares the experience of pain to being struck by an arrow, it is happening, it’s real and it hurts. If I respond to the initial stimulus of pain by worrying, wondering what I did wrong for it to have happened, blaming myself, or getting angry with others, I fire a second arrow. By coming back to the primary pain, the first arrow, we have a chance to open to an experience of empathy for ourselves, to recognise that it is a temporary experience, not something that defines who we are.

A more contemporary way of articulating this ancient two arrow analogy, is one of the most used phrases in the Forrest Gump movie … “shit happens”. Yes, shit does happen, what is important, is what you do or will not do when shit happens.

Let’s take an example of not being invited to an interview for a job I applied for (and am currently working in, but had to apply for… adding to a sense of hurt). I have this initial pain, the first “arrow” from the rejection, if I add the secondary pain of doubting myself, finding fault with myself, blaming others, feeling worried or anxious about the future, I fire the second arrow. I have no control over the first arrow, but I do have control over the second.

E+R = O

As Forrest said “shit happens”, over that, we have little control. How I respond is in my absolute control.

Think of a simple mathematical equation E+R = O…

• E is the Event … Buddha’s arrow, the job interview rejection, the “shit” that has happened!
• R is my Response to this event.
• O is the Outcome I will get from my Response to the Event.

The Outcome will depend entirely on my Response. If I want to influence the Outcome, I can ONLY change my Response, not the Event itself – shit has happened!

A very real and recent example of 2 different Responses to the same Event can be seen in the Federal and NSW Government’s responses to the catastrophic bushfires. Whatever your politics, there is simply no denying that ScoMo’s Response and Gladys’s Response have driven 2 very different Outcomes for their political positioning.

You can manage yourself, you can manage your company, but you can’t manage the whole environment around you and your company. The only thing you can do is to have in one or another way some influence around you.

The more time we spend worrying and focussing on things we can’t control OR can’t influence, the less time we have to control and influence what we can manage.

Focus on the donut & not the hole!

As we know, we live and work in highly uncertain and volatile environment. Can we beat uncertainty? Sometimes, but never always. What’s happening outside us and outside our business is out of our own control.

There will be mistakes, failings, pressure, hurts, problems as a minimum, because of uncertainty. The most important is your own preparation and reaction after “shit” has happened.

In 1997, Arnott’s Biscuits was subject to an extortion bid by an extortioner who threatened to poison packets of Arnott’s biscuits. In this case, Arnott’s could not deal with the “Event” – shit had happened. They had a choice of how to deal with it, their “Response”. The company had to conduct a massive recall – little choice on this. They also chose to conduct a huge publicity campaign. They published the extortionist’s threats and demands in full-page newspaper ads.  The Outcome? Arnott’s was praised for its openness and honesty in dealing with the crisis. The best outcome they could have planned for in the circumstances they found themselves in.

So, shits do simply happen and although sometimes we can stop them, in most of the cases such a situation will be our reality. All we can control is our Response, which will drive a range of Outcomes.

Suffering IS optional

Let’s look at an example outside our business world. Climber Warren Macdonald has an amazingly inspirational survival story. In North Queensland, whilst climbing, he became trapped beneath a one-ton boulder in a freak rock fall. Two days later he was rescued, only to undergo the amputation of both legs at mid-thigh.

Just ten months later, he climbed Tasmania’s Cradle Mountain using a modified wheelchair and the seat of his pants. 6 years later, he became the first double above-knee amputee to reach the summit of Africa’s tallest peak, Mt Kilimanjaro. Warren is also the only above knee amputee to make an ascent of Canada’s landmark frozen waterfall, the 600 ft “Weeping Wall” and America’s tallest cliff face, El Capitan

How did Warren recover from his extreme “shit happens moment”? Here is what he said.

“We’re in the wrong place, at the wrong time, and things just go sideways. If we’re honest with ourselves, there’s often a good reason why things panned out the way they did. If we work backwards, step by step, we can see that it’s inevitable that we ended up where we did.”

To face El Capitan, the 3000ft vertical rock face in Yosemite National Park required a staggering 900 pull-ups each day. For three days. How do you even begin to train for that?

Firstly – he set himself up for success.

He got a set of pull-up bars, fixed it above a doorway between the living room and bedroom. Every time he went through that door, there it was. He had a choice, could either do the pull-ups, or not. There was no setup involved, no driving to the gym, the bar was right there. If he ignored it, he’d fail on El Capitan, that’s not the outcome what he wanted. By placing the pull-up bar in the way, he set himself up for success.

Secondly, he planned how to avoid outcomes he didn’t want. Thinking through all potential scenarios and considering what might go wrong. Doing this can help avoid it happening and set things in place to help steer us towards the outcomes we want.

Setting up for success

How can we relate this inspirational story to our business and career planning? Here’s how I set up for success, minimise “shit happening” and deal with it when it does.

1. Don’t waste time getting emotional: It’s NOT personal. Bad things don’t benefit from emotions, but they do benefit from the actions to deal with them. You don’t have time for emotions.
2. Deal with the “shit”: Think about what you need to do in order to come back on the right path and simply take required actions. As you make mistakes, fail at something, or find some unexpected problems, you will need to stand up and find the solution.
3. Understand and learn: Think about the reasons why you find yourself in this position. Try to eliminate them in order to not experience something similar in future. Simply learn from bad experience and remove all possible causes for the future.
4. Plan for success: Rearrange things (your schedule, your network, your commute, even your home) to make it easy to succeed. Put the things you want in your way, so that you’re set up for success.
5. Plan for shit happening: Yes, it’s time to ditch the rose-coloured glasses, plan what may get in your way or go wrong and mitigate against the risks.
6. Build resilience: Prepare yourself and your close environment for more “shits” that will come.

Contact Jayne today to set yourself up for success